Listening To An Inner Voice -- Part 1

I'm on a journey to discover what it's like to realize potential with my body, in pursuit of the physical activity of stair climbing.

The following questions are swirling furiously. Time to write lest they suffocate my next steps.

1)  Why am I doing this?
2)  What trips me up?
3)  Is it even possible to do better?
4)  Am I capable of doing more, faster?
5)  What makes me stop?
6)  What's next?
7)  Do I give up this crazy dream?

I experienced success over the years in creative endeavors, from piano performance, photography, and writing, to ensemble performance, decorating, and painting.  With my husband I raised three children who are now creative, wise, working, caring, talented adults.

In the work force I successfully contributed to the growth of one non-profit by designing and publishing newsletters, maintaining donor communication, budget planning and bookkeeping.  Another non-profit used my administrative skills as its program director.  

In education I introduced music into the lives of countless young school students, and I nurtured many at the piano from very young beginnings to their accomplished recitals performing Bach, Beethoven, and Chopin for audiences who were moved by their artistry.  Under an Annenberg grant, I created curriculum and trained teachers for an innovative program which uses music to encourage early childhood reading in inner city classrooms.

Do I really need to be doing this now? Climbing stairs?

After early retirement I dabbled in creative activities, growing content...for awhile. I always trusted my instincts, which rarely disappoint me.  One day I imagined I might be a good hypnotherapist, proceeded through the training, and since then have a deepened awareness and trust in my intuition. 

Our subconscious runs our lives.  However, we continually have the option to let all our old patterns dictate our behavior, reactions, and feelings, or, we have the option to shift these patterns.  We can move through our lives never quieting enough to hear the small voice within, or, we can be still, ask the questions and listen for the answers.

Sluggish and overweight for 14 years, by age 57 I found myself in the gym for the first time.  Previously it seemed I only moved for survival--never for recreation, never for competition, and certainly never to realize a dream!  (With the exception of one 5K running experience in college which I wrote about in a previous blog entry:  http://steppingupwithstoriesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/time-to-run-season-for-every-activity.html )

What I did not write about that experience, was a remark by a boyfriend, as four of us sat around a celebratory dinner table. I wasn't hungry after my first time ever running three miles, so I declined to eat.  At dessert time I decided to have a piece of apple pie. While enjoying each bite, he said something to the effect of, "Cheryl will run three miles for a piece of apple pie!"

Perhaps it sounds harmless now, but at the time, his remark cut through the celebration, suddenly halting the good feelings I had about my race.  Instead, the message I heard was, there's something wrong with me.  Thus marked the beginning and the end of any athletic pursuit. 

After two years in the gym periodically, from age 57 to 59, I decided it was time to entertain a game-changer.  Until then, my gym work involved learning how to move, period!  From 59 to 60, my goal was preparing to climb a small mountain on my sixtieth birthday.  During that year, I discovered tower races, participating in my first stair climb-- a half-climb up the John Hancock building.

Age 60 brought five full stair climbs. My times improved with each one.

I no longer simply want to finish a climb.  I no longer simply want to improve in tiny increments.  My desire is to compete.

I have no athletic background.
I have no base of fitness to build on.
It's a daunting challenge to go from point A, the beginning, to point B, realizing my goal.

The women who win the top spots in my age group for each race, have backgrounds as fitness instructors and marathon runners, often having multiple triathlons under their belt. I know because I've researched who they are.

This could take awhile.

Back to the first question: "Why am I doing this?"

I believe I have untapped potential.

 

I love discovery,

and want to discover everything there is about becoming fit,

taking care of my health, pursuing an athletic quest,

pushing myself...

 

I want to keep learning.

 

I want to go

where I've never gone before.

 

I want to be judgement-free.

 

I want to be free.

 

Tomorrow, question two, "What trips me up?"




The Best Feeling