27. Hearing the Difference

Oatmeal with Blueberries, Cantaloupe, and Sprouted Whole Grain Toast

This photo is the new wallpaper on  my laptop. 

Every reminder to stay on course helps.

After working out every day--most days twice--in addition to walking two to four miles, it would be self-sabotage not to eat healthy meals.  It would be self-sabotage to indulge wildly on some kind of sweets binge.  It would be self-sabotage to eat fast food, full of calories and high in fat.

That's why I flew two thousand miles, spent the year's vacation money for housing, dedicated my fifty-nine year old body to working out two times a day, and told everyone I know about it.  With all that at stake, there is absolutely no room for self-sabotage. 

I walk by pizza joints, taco stands, ice cream parlors, burger bars, and bars period, every single day--sometimes several times a day.  I think about stopping.  Once I did, for a taco, then proceeded to remove all the cheese, half the ground beef, and guiltily (which actually is a word, I looked it up) nibbled at the lettuce and tortilla.  It felt good to get back to my little retreat cottage and cut up fresh vegetables to eat with my chicken breast dinner that night.

Accountability is built into every aspect of this phase of my journey.  It's working.

A shift takes place when I'm in this zone.  I'm satisfied with small portions and unhealthy choices become less and less appealing. 

However, I've traveled in this zone before--many times.  The most recent, in 2009 as I prepared over a three-month period for my son's wedding, losing quite a few pounds and developing some fairly healthy eating patterns.  Three months later, it was business as usual, putting the weight back on and munching all day on whatever was at hand. 

Something has to be different this time

to

turn a zone into a lifestyle.

What will that difference be?  At first I was counting on the sheer sacrifice and effort of going through this fitcamp daily, so far from home, to be the key--the determining factor that makes this experience different from all others. 

Now I know it's more.  I haven't learned the full of it yet.  I feel the beginning though. 

It is tied into being myself--the true authentic self I was created to be.  It is tied into having removed myself from every possible negative factor and energy that could keep me from completing this journey to wholeness.  It is tied into meditating on God and a universe that is so grand, and yet knowing at the same time, I am part of that plan. 

It is grand.  Nothing petty.  Nothing pesky.

 

No part of sabotage is in God's plan.

I feel the beginning of this difference

which is tied into

my gut/heart/soul/spirit, you pick, 

telling me with every step I take,

"You experienced your workouts last week. 

Now this week you must attack them."

It is tied into knowing I have actually

not been down this road before,

ever.